Archive for category Advice for Humans

What Is a Field Trial?

Dear Boomer,

What is a field trial?

Signed,

Nimrod

Dear Nim,

Humans think they invented field trials to discover which dogs have drive, can find birds, point, back, and retrieve. A field trial is, in fact,a game made up by dogs so they can enjoy watching their humans act like morons.

The truth is, field trials were invented by ancient Roman dogs to find out which humans were worthy of being adopted by dogs. At a field trial you see humans lose their tempers, shout, threaten, and even break down and cry. Dogs note which humans misbehave and pass the word to avoid teaming up with those humans. Some humans are not responsible enough to lead a dog.

You may see humans walking around holding a piece of paper at a field trial. Those are “human whisperers” who are recording when the humans misbehave. After the trial, they meet with the human, make them roll over on their back and make them say, “I will not act like a moron at a field trial. I will not act like a moron at a field trial.”

Signed,

Boomer

Quail Unlimited Dog Trial

Jerry Lehman, Quail Unlimited Chairman, sends notice of a Dog Trial scheduled for March 22nd on Bear Creek Road, 41/2 miles North of Nokomis. Boomer is scheduled for the first brace at 7:30 AM. The stated purpose of this trial is “Fun and Relaxation”, according to Jerry. Give Jerry a call and sign up at 217-825-5423. The entry fee is a very reasonable $20.00. You need not be a member to participate in this trial. Trophies will be awarded. This is your chance to make your dog proud.

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We Can All Get Along

A Strong Siamese...Modest Too

A Strong Siamese...Modest Too

MARCIMOM9@aol.com wrote:

Dear Boomer,

I, being a sophisticated, strong, confident Siamese cat would like to ask you a question. My name is Rebel, I am from the south, as my name implies, born and raised in the great state of Mississippi until travels brought us to this cold, cold state.  I would like to know why dogs feel they are superior to cats, and why they hate us so much.  I am a lover, not a fighter but dogs who see me act like they would like to tear me to pieces and have me for dinner. Is it just a dog thing? Or somewhere in history did cats do something horrible to dogs to cause this? Or is it just that dogs know that we felines are a superior race? At least in my humble opinion, that is.

Dear Rebel,

Humans have perpetuated myths for as long as they have been on this earth.  I counted two myths in your letter that have been made up and passed down by humans.    Dogs do not discriminate against cats when it comes to superiority.  Dogs just know they are superior to every living thing.  I’m sure you can relate to that.

According to canine ancestral memory, dogs and cats are co-equal races, having a common ancestor.  Humans have “muddied up the water” by breeding dogs for hunting, fighting, pulling, and much more.  Cats have been historically bred for their looks.  No human should tolerate a dog as part of his family or pack that would assault a cat. The same is true of cats and their human subjects.

Your question is so excellent, if you don’t mind, I will post it on my blog, <boomerdadog.wordpress.com> for everyone to read.  You are the first cat to write me.  Would you be the first on my blog?  Puuurhaps together we could show how compatible dogs and cats can be. To paraphrase Alphonse de Lamartine,  “The more  I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dog /and  cat/. ”

Boomer

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“Win Win” When Dogs and Humans Cooperate


This is for Bill, who asked if I think dogs get impatient with humans because humans are “blind in the nose.”  This story was handed down through “ancestral memory.”  What do you think, Bill?

It was the worst drought any human or dog could remember. There was no green grass, no delicious grasshoppers or mice to eat, no rabbits, no quail, and no pheasants anywhere. The ancestral canids were desperate for food as they roamed at night far beyond their usual range looking for anything edible. A wonderful smell drifted on the air and pulled the pack into the wind to find the source. They stopped in their tracks when they saw the wildfire leaping into the air, crackling, and snapping savagely at them. There was a strange smell besides the delicate smell of cooked prairie dog. It was a faint mixture of familiar odors of other animals like badger, raccoon, wolf, and deer. There was a much stronger smell that was like wet grass, wild cat, and skunk all in one but different and fearsome. It was the smell of human!

The pack always avoided humans because humans were predators on the wild canids. But this time the white muzzled pack leader was overcome by the smell of roasted prairie dog. As the pack lay on their bellies and drooled, the pack leader laid back his ears and began to crawl toward the humans and their fire. The pack leader sensed food at hand and snapped up a prairie dog bone swallowing it whole. How delicious! More bones flew magically through the air and landed around him.

His belly full, the pack leader crawled back to the pack and led them away from the human encampment at the edge of the prairie dog town. Once they were at a safe distance, the pack nuzzled and licked the leader’s grease coated face. They whined with hunger and even growled at each other for the privilege of licking their leader’s face.

The next night the pack returned to where their leader had found food. This time the pack leader’s mate followed him to the prairie dog bone feast and gorged until she was near bursting with food. Each night thereafter more canids joined in the feast until the whole pack was secretly feasting on the human’s discarded prairie dog bones. When the humans had snared and trapped all the unwary prairie dogs, they moved on to another place where they trapped turtles, fish, and collected freshwater clams. Of course they threw out the bones, shells, and best of all the spoiled excess that humans couldn’t eat. The pack feasted during what would usually have been a deadly time for them.

The pack continued to hunt but now they were prosperous, producing large litters with more babies surviving than usual. No one knows how long the first wild canids checked human garbage heaps before they revealed themselves to “The People.” “The People” was what humans called them selves during the time of this story.

It took many years but eventually humans and dogs teamed up. Each species caused the other to prosper. Humans gained a faithful friend who could smell danger at a great distance and would raise an immediate alarm day or night. Humans also had a hunting partner who could track game, wounded or healthy, faster than any human.

Dogs had a partner who could find and catch game in the worst of times. “The People” could catch food from under the ground or under the water with equal ease and then would throw the excess away. “The People” weren’t even afraid to stand up to the wolves, cougars, and bears who all relished canid puppies.

Times were very good then and dogs and humans were happy together. Alas, the world changed to what it is today. Most humans don’t hunt and gather like the “The People”. Dogs can no longer fend for themselves in the wild. Dogs have lost the knowledge that their ancestors were born with and it has been replaced with dependence on humans for leadership, exercise, health care and food.

Boomer

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It Happened to Me!

Dear Readers,

I took my human hunting today.  I found a rooster in the tall grass, and pointed him.  Old “Frequently Falls Down”  kicked around upwind until Mr. rooster flushed with much cackling and pooping.  FFD fired his gun and Mr. rooster dropped dead.  I didn’t even have to track him down or retrieve him.  FFd has fed and watered me and I am curled up next to his computer dictating this blog.

From my vantage point in the back seat of the pickup truck I listened to old FFD and his hunting buddy, “Three Shooter” swap stories and theories about hunting (more validation of my idea that a dog’s viewpoint is needed to balance human thinking.)  That gave me an idea!  If humans would comment on this blog and tell what unusual experiences they have had in the out doors, I will comment from my point of view if needed or I will just pass it along by p-mail if the canine community needs to know.

Write me and tell about unusual experiences you’ve had in the field.  Happy hunting!

Boomer

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A Hairy Home Companion


Dear Boomer,

Is it true that hunting dogs should not be treated as pets?

Garrison K.

Dear Garrison,

Letting your hunting dog be in the house with you will not hurt his desire to hunt. In fact the bond between the two of you might be strengthened.

Hunting dogs should be treated with great respect! Hunting dogs go to work in the night, day, rain, snow, heat, and the dirt. Some chase boars, cougars, foxes and coyotes. Hunting dogs are fearless, strong, persistent, and loyal. What do humans give them in return? At best, dogs get a tight box with lots of straw, plenty of food, fresh water, regular work and a few “attaboys”. Mark Twain summed it up when he wrote, “Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”

You should not treat dogs as humans in fur coats. Such treatment leads to confusion on the part of the dog which often leads to behavior problems. Dogs need regular work to do. It doesn’t matter what the work is as long as we get out with a human every day for an hour or so. Just a walk is enough to keep up a dog’s health as well as a human’s. Training, whether for the field, for the home or for amusement also counts as work.

Goodbye to you, Garrison, from Litchfield, where all the humans are above average and all the bird dogs can point, back, and retrieve.

Boomer

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Yappy New Year!

I, Boomer, wish everyone a “Yappy New Year.”  This year I plan to establish a 401-K9.  Any extra treats I get will be buried.  I was going to invest my extra treats with Bernie Madoff but something about him didn’t smell right!  His smell reminded me of the Governor of Illinois.  It would be hard to choose one to roll in.

In the new Year Spirit, here are some things I recommend humans do:

Love your family.

Take regular baths.

Live in the moment.

Stop to smell the road kill.

Keep your shots up to date.

Let your dog sleep in the bed with you.

Take more baths.

Go for long walks with family members.

When you have spare time, lick yourself.

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