Dear Boomer,

What is a field trial?

Signed,

Nimrod

Dear Nim,

Humans think they invented field trials to discover which dogs have drive, can find birds, point, back, and retrieve. A field trial is, in fact,a game made up by dogs so they can enjoy watching their humans act like morons.

The truth is, field trials were invented by ancient Roman dogs to find out which humans were worthy of being adopted by dogs. At a field trial you see humans lose their tempers, shout, threaten, and even break down and cry. Dogs note which humans misbehave and pass the word to avoid teaming up with those humans. Some humans are not responsible enough to lead a dog.

You may see humans walking around holding a piece of paper at a field trial. Those are “human whisperers” who are recording when the humans misbehave. After the trial, they meet with the human, make them roll over on their back and make them say, “I will not act like a moron at a field trial. I will not act like a moron at a field trial.”

Signed,

Boomer

Quail Unlimited Dog Trial

Jerry Lehman, Quail Unlimited Chairman, sends notice of a Dog Trial scheduled for March 22nd on Bear Creek Road, 41/2 miles North of Nokomis. Boomer is scheduled for the first brace at 7:30 AM. The stated purpose of this trial is “Fun and Relaxation”, according to Jerry. Give Jerry a call and sign up at 217-825-5423. The entry fee is a very reasonable $20.00. You need not be a member to participate in this trial. Trophies will be awarded. This is your chance to make your dog proud.